Before you get overtly upset with your teenager, you need to understand 2 things:

  1. Psychosocially, they are at the level of “identity vs confusion”. This is what Erik Erikson (a social scientist )described as a stage of ‘developing sense of self’ or ‘self discovery’.
  2. You have passed through this stage too. Recall how it was difficult or easy for you? 

Now, take a deep breath & understand what this stage of life entails.


Psychosocial development basically refers to how an individual’s needs blends with the society(immediate family and larger public). There is crisis at every stage of development but this is one of the stages faced with the largest crises. Ability to resolve these crises is what shapes the child into being a successful adult or otherwise.


It’s a period when your teenager is trying to discover ‘who am I’, ‘what are my values’, ‘what do I really want’ ‘does my ideas match what’s around me’ ‘do people understand my needs’ ‘am I confused or do I have my senses’ ‘what’s happening to my body’ and lots more. This phase is a very difficult phase and the outcome of this phase largely depends on your relationship with your child. 


You need 2 skills as a parent: Encouragement & enforcement. Enforcement has to be laced with a lot of positivity and love. You have to find a good balance between being strict and soft hearted. You have to be a permissive parent yet create boundaries. Reduce your ‘No’ and give more options. 


Child: Dad, can I sleep over at my friend’s?

Dad: It’s a good thing to spend time with friends. How about I pick you up at 9pm and we can discuss sleep over next time?


This is also the age to discuss sex with more clarity (not only “don’t have sex”, but “sex is between 2 adults that are financially and emotionally ready to bear responsibilities” OR “having sex with someone leaves a big part of your self esteem with the person. You have to give it to someone you know you will spend the rest of your life with”. Be open to discussing birth control options with the girl child; condom in the case of boys (especially if you find out they are sexually active).


Watch for depression: Teen depression is very common and on the rise. Be sure not to contribute to this already difficult stage of life. Be kind, offer assurance, offer listening ears, discuss with them, don’t probe them, resist the urge to flare up at their failures and lastly, don’t keep them in a difficult situation if you have marital problems. Teenage depression worsen when living with parents who fight all the time. 


Discuss contraception: Don’t shy away from this especially if you notice your girl child is moving with boys already. Remember, you are raising your own child, not a public child. Ignore what the ‘public’ thinks. Focus on helping them navigate this difficult time with high sexual affinity.


Lastly, this child is yours. Help them find their identity by being a positive force in their lives, don’t let them get confused.


When was the last time you bought a random gift for your teenager? Buy something today and just say “I thought about you while at work today and bought this. I love you very much”. Be your Teenager’s cheerleader! Watch out for next blog post on single parenting.


Cheers!

Megakids